You're single and looking. Should you have a list of what you want in a man?

My new release, The List, is about single, successful, saved but still sexy African American women who are tired of waiting on God to bring them their soul mate. Angela, Michelle, and Lisa think they need to give God a little extra help in getting them “found” by their husbands. They devise a list of what they want in a man – the essential must have’s, icing on the cake’s, not so nice’s and total dealbreakers. Armed with their lists, they embark on a hilarious dating adventure that leads them right back around to realizing they have to trust God to bring them His best.

The question of whether a woman should or shouldn’t have a list is a good one. In having conversations about the book I find that women are completely for it or completely against it. I think there are certain benefits to having a list. Some women don’t know what they want and are willing to compromise and accept anything just to avoid being lonely. A friend of mine recently met this awesome guy – gorgeous, well off, well traveled, interesting, romantic – every girl’s dream! But their destiny and purpose didn’t line up. At all. So she let him go. Another friend has been going back and forth with a guy who’s great in most areas but has a few flaws that may be deal breakers.

Where a list is a problem is when it’s unrealistic. One of the characters is the book, Lisa, has a list that’s a 10 page Excel spreadsheet of what she’s expecting God to bring her in a man. She’s actually based on a real person, a friend of mine who I constantly warn that she’ll never get married because only Jesus was that perfect.

In the 5+ years since my divorce, I’ve met a LOT of guys. (My best friend accuses me of being a serial dater.) I haven’t met the perfect man yet and I really don’t expect to. People are people and we all have issues, flaws, and imperfections. I’m not perfect so I can’t expect any man to be. It comes down to which imperfections we can deal with. I’ve decided what I must have and what I can’t deal with but I’m also realistic. That’s what love is all about. Being able to accept someone being fully aware of their imperfections.

So should we have a list? After 5 years of disappointing serial dating, I’ve thrown my hands up and told God to send me His absolute best for me. I know there are certain things I want and things I absolutely can’t stand, but ultimately, I trust Him to know what’s best for me.

Share your thoughts. List or no List?


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